Halos for Halo!
14 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Stuff Tags: Autism, autism awareness month., carnival, National Service Dogs, the life centre
Today my church The Life Centre put on a kids carnival for our community here in the Hespeler part of Cambridge. We enjoyed the carnival immensely and that isn’t something that I could say without the help of our black furry four legged family member, Halo, a specially trained service dog to assist children with autism.
We are blessed to have Halo in our lives, it has made a world of difference in Logan’s life. Without Halo, we would be unable to enjoy most activities that other families take for granted like going to the movies, attending a carnival like we did today or even a task as simple as a quick trip to the grocery store. Logan would be highly stressed, very agitated and we’d be chasing him all over the place.
Logan is an escape artist, a quick one at that. He is ever elusive, just when you think you can trust him for a second, poof, he’s gone. It is heart-stopping when he does run away because of all the stories you hear in the news about children with autism running off and getting lost. That is my worst fear, which has unfortunately come to pass a few times in the past few years, although thankfully it always has a happy ending, the same is not true for many families.
I truly believe that Halo is appropriately named because he has saved Logan so many times now I have lost count. I think there will be a special halo in heaven for service dogs like Halo.
Touching Hearts, Touching Lives
03 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in Life Stuff Tags: Autism, autism awareness month., church, generosity, gifts, pay it forward, the life centre laughing
There are days when you are given a gift and your life will really never be the same again. We’ve had many moments like that in our life together. Today we were given two gifts and both touched my heart so deeply that I will never be the same again.
I am part of an amazing group of women who meet on Tuesday mornings for chatting, studying the bible and mostly a whole lot of laughter. It’s a place where each woman is free to be who she is, however God created her to be. No judgements, just come as you are. Our group leader sent me an email last week and asked if she could make our daughter Abby a weighted blanket. She has never met Abby; I’ve never really spoken at length of Abby’s needs and how her sensory needs are so incredibly high. I’ve often wondered about having someone make a weighted blanket for Abby, to see if it would help her sleeping habits but have never mentioned this to anyone.
This morning I arrived to our group and our leader gave me the most amazing weighted blanket: it is pink with dragonflies, each pocket perfectly measured out to make the blanket of equal proportions. There was so much love and thought poured into that blanket; all for my daughter who she has never met. I will never be the same again. The amazing generosity of her talents, love, and thoughtfulness makes my heart so fully alive and so thankful that people still follow their hearts and the leading that God has put on their hearts.
After I arrived home I sat down to my computer and opened my email inbox. There was a message for me from the leader of the other women’s group I attend on Thursday. Again, an amazing group of women who have accepted me into their midst and have loved on me. Coffee, chatting and laughing are all part of the mornings in addition to the time of prayer where each of our concerns are brought to God.
I started attending The Life Centre when we moved to Cambridge and have really enjoyed my time there. With Steve’s schedule though, it does make it increasingly difficult to get to church with the 4 kids and specifically getting Logan to church. I had voiced my feelings to the leader and told her how much I wished I could attend but I’ve been struggling with Logan and how to integrate him. And in the email she told me of a woman at church who was willing to spend time 1:1 with Logan at church (or at home if that worked out better) and that she herself would also volunteer to be with him.
I cannot begin to explain how much my heart is touched by these amazing gifts of generosity from people who just a few short months ago were strangers to me and to whom my children are still mostly unknown to them. As a parent of children with special needs, the sad truth for us is that whether due to fear or indifference or ignorance, people often don’t go out of their way to touch the lives of my children or for my family. People have been afraid to reach out, fearing that they will interrupt our lives somehow or believing that we are just too busy for them…I’ve heard many reasons and ones that I can fully understand but the truth is that life with special needs if often very lonely and caregivers are craving relationships with people who will love and accept them and their limitations. That we need people in our lives who will understand and forgive the dark circles under our eyes, the clothes that may be stained from the mornings breakfast and the crazy hair that comes when you put yourself last and everyone else’s needs above your own.
I extend my sincere thanks and gratitude to these church families in which I find myself. I can honestly say that I will never be the same again. My heart is moved and my life is touched by simple yet profound acts of generosity. I can only hope that one day I will be given the chance to pay it forward; to extend grace, love and thoughtfulness to another family who may feel lonely, at their wits end and in need of some serious TLC. The irony is not lost on me that I have found a church home in which I will always find myself within TLC.
Then there were 2- Autism Awareness Month
02 Apr 2012 1 Comment
in Life Stuff Tags: Autism, autism awareness month., diagnosis, life, therapist
When Logan was diagnosed with Autism, our daughter Abby was 9 months old. She was a beautiful baby girl who had survived so much in her short life. She had cysts on her brain in as a fetus, I was in a terrible car accident while I was seven months pregnant and then she had some oxygen issues during delivery.
She was a fussy baby, who could burp up milk clear across the room *literally!* But we were focused a lot on Logan in those months prior to his diagnosis, it was purely survival for us. We missed a lot of things with her looking back but what choice did we have? You naturally focus on things that cause the most distraction in your life.
At our diagnosis meeting for Logan, we sat quietly as the doctor gave us the news. We were then offered a spot in a research project designed to identify early markers in children with autism and because siblings have a higher risk of a diagnosis, they really wanted Abby in this study. We sat there with our baby girl on our lap, agreeing readily for her to be a part of it, never once thinking that she would one of those helpful children and be diagnosed with autism herself just 9 months later.
As the months went on and she approached her first birthday, the veil lifted from our eyes. We sat down in the evening after we celebrated her first birthday and made what we call “the list”. All the things that we saw as great things and our list of concerns. The list of concerns grew and we knew what we had to do. We were set to meet with the research team in just a few weeks, knowing what was coming. At 12 months we were given a ‘preliminary’ diagnosis and at 18 months the gauntlet came down again…autism.
Life was a whirlwind. They say no two children with autism are the same and it’s true. Logan and Abby were opposites. He was aloof in his own world while Abby was miserable in ours. He was a dimmer switch coming in and out of behaviours, Abby a light switch turning on and off abruptly. Logan was easy going and Abby was a firecracker.
Nobody can prepare you for this, getting a diagnosis of autism for your two children less than a year apart. It sucks. There’s no manual, there’s no rules, there’s no nothing…you’re in hook, line and sinker. The next few years proved to be a very steep learning curve and honestly, it continues to be a steep climb. Life is complicated, full of advocacy in school and fighting with the government for funding, making sure your child is accepted and loved in every circumstance and situation.
You become a stronger person in the process though, parenting skills are honed as you become like a therapist, providing intervention the best you can. There are moments when you think life can’t get any more difficult but then something new pops up and you’re forced to research again and again. The cycle continues with each stage of development. At the end of the day it’s worth it because you have two children who are some of the most pure people you will ever meet, what you see is what you get. There are no lies, no facades, no false pretences, just them and all they were created to be.
Autism Awareness Month
01 Apr 2012 1 Comment
in Life Stuff Tags: Autism, death, diagnosis, doctors, life
Today marks the first day of Autism Awareness Month. In honour of that I’d like to share periodically over the next month some stories from our life that have changed us, made us laugh or cry, smile or scream….well you get the idea.
We were fortunate enough to have an amazing family physician, I remember sitting in his office with Logan huddled in the corner and chatting with him about my concerns with Logan’s development. Why isn’t he calling me “momma” was my first question…he’s really fixated on things….his sleeping isn’t great….he’s kicking continuously on the walls…the list went on and on. Logan was about 18 months at the time.
Our doctor heard my concerns and sent us to McMaster Hospital to “rule out” autism. Our ruling out autism actually led to a diagnosis of autism. And our minds went reeling. Of course we only knew the stereo-typical autism as shown in the movie “Rain Man”, a man with savant skills. We had much to learn and a lot of growing up to do.
Logan’s diagnosis meant a death in us, a death of a dream that really wasn’t ours to have. Where our children grow up to be doctors or lawyers or preachers, following in the family business, planning an university education before he was even able to roll over. Because that is OUR dream for our child, not our child’s dream for themselves.
Autism was a bit scary back then. It seemed to be the end of the world, and perhaps maybe it was. The end of one and the beginning of another that was somehow fuller and more alive. It was a world where sleep was almost non-exsistant, tantrums ruled the day, life was full of appointments and therapies. It was also a world in which we learned to celebrate differences, to see miracles everyday and to love more deeply than we did before. This was a world where love and acceptance ruled and judgement was not welcome. Love encompassed our life then and now as we have learned that we need to love a person for who they are and not for what they can do for us.
Heart Songs of Sadness
26 Mar 2012 7 Comments
in Life Stuff Tags: betrayal, hebrews, prayer, songs of sadness
This past week has been challenging to say the least. I had to make decisions that were not at all easy; I knew that my choice to do the right thing would cause someone I love a lot of pain. And it has. This comes at potentially losing a relationship in my life that I value. As of right now, for the other person, our relationship is gone.
My heart is always full, I feel things extremely deeply. Right now my heart is singing a song of great sadness, of dis-chord with many wrong notes playing at once. The noise is deafening. I long to hear the sweet notes of the spirit of God, rising up a new song within our hearts and within this heartbreaking situation. I’m also inclined to think that in this chaotic noise God needs freedom to move, to touch our hearts and lives in a way that is new and unexpected.
But in the midst of this chaos and confusion, I’m left questioning and searching for answers because I am broken and have been for a very long time. Some of you may know that almost one year ago I spent 30 days in hospital and 7 of those in psychiatric ICU. I have believed lies about myself for as long as I can remember. In this past week, my mind has played tricks on me and has driven me to an edge I’d rather not be looking over.
But I stand firm in the knowledge that “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” While my heart may fail at times and my mind attacks, I have faith that God can do more than we can ask or imagine. That God knows this situation and will sort it out how it needs to be sorted.
In the mean time, please pray for this situation and for all of those involved.
A Stone Dropped
11 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Stuff Tags: Autism, church, fear, grief, skipping stones, special needs, water, worship
I must confess, as a mom of a child with special needs, it’s hard for me to branch out and try new things or re-try things that have failed in the past. Fear grips me at the core of who I am: “what will my child do or say? What will I do? What will people say/think? Will they stare? Will they judge him? Me?” I also find that I not only take on fears for myself but also the fears that I think Logan would have but doesn’t because he is oblivious to social “norms”.
Logan is a really handsome boy. I’m not just saying that because I’m his mom, he just is! He’s tall, well built and has the most infectious smile. He looks like a regular almost 11 year old boy. But Logan can also be a tad disruptive, he can be loud, he can be inappropriate. While I’m not embarrassed OF Logan, sometimes his behaviour can make situations awkward. I love him, and am so proud of him.
This morning I took a big giant leap of faith. I brought Logan to church with me. And I cried. I’m so blessed to be a part of a wonderful community. This morning at church there was a full band for worship and Logan loved it! I got lots of smiles, hugs, he clapped along and even danced. That made me cry because as we sang “I am a friend of God”, there was my boy beside me joining in worship being real before the God who created him, autism and all.
After worship I thought I would introduce him to the children’s program. Logan joined in with the younger crowd playing games. It was fantastic to hear the daughter of one of my newest and dearest friends call Logan her best friend, kindred spirits brought 2 moms together so 2 children with autism could find their ranks among friendship. I cried because of the beauty of God’s perfect design for our lives.
I cried for another reason today too though. I cried for myself, another step in the grieving process of having a child with autism I’m sure. I cried because I miss the ease of being able to just leave my child in the care of a Sunday School provider, with very little explanation to no explanation. I cry because my beautiful boy really struggles to connect, can’t easily answer even the simple questions and doesn’t automatically know the rules of the game. I struggle because his struggles become so obvious in a room full of kids.
It’s starting something new and unfamiliar that jolts a parent of special needs back to reality. Everyday we enjoy the sense of rhythm, being able to predict the next set of events, having each day set in a routine that became the “norm” so long ago you no longer have to think about it. But that stone dropped into a routine sends ripples into motion, things won’t be calm and easy, the water will bubble and gurgle until the new “norm” is found because you’ll never have that other “norm” back.
You will be ok but right now the water it is rocky and unpredictable. There is beauty as you watch the water flow but there is an unknown too. Where will the ripples be felt, for how long will they go? This is a question my heart would love to know the answers to but like you I will just have to sit back and watch where and how the ripples develop.
Shout out!
10 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Stuff Tags: anniversary, Christine Reid, Commitment, Frederick Street Inn, love, Photography
Sending out a great shout out to a wonderful photographer who captured Steve and I for our 12th Anniversary. This was a treat for us. We didn’t get professional photo’s for our wedding, something I had always regretted. We stayed at a wonderful little inn called “Frederick Street Inn“. Amanda and Harold were wonderful Inn Keepers and we enjoyed our few nights we spent with them. We also each enjoyed a wonderful massage from Karrie Lamarche, I highly recommend the hot stone massage!
While I was checking out their website to decide whether or not we’d stay there, I saw some beautiful photos taken by Christine Reid Photography. I hopped over to her website and I knew I wanted this woman to take our photo’s. She has a beautiful eye for lighting, but more than that she was able to capture such vivid emotion in her photographs.
On a very cold day in February, we met Christine out at Pilkington Overlook, just outside of Elora. It had snowed the night before (which is good because I thought we were going to be in a giant mud puddle!) and the wind was just brutal. But Christine showed up with Starbucks..she had me at hello really the coffee helped! She was such a trooper to be out in the cold with us, I’m sure her fingers were frozen through.
Here are a few of my favourite photos of the day. 
We enjoyed our time with Christine so much that she’s going to take our family photos. She know’s it isn’t for the faint of heart but bless her heart she wants to do it for us. Please take the time to check out her blog and her work. She’s highly professional and she’s super fun!
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
