So life is constantly changing for us. I’ve wanted to blog about it and yet things feel too personal, too close, too painful really. 2013 was our hope for a swing at “normal”, even messed up “normal” but it wasn’t. It was anything but, we couldn’t even say close to normal.
The year started out with Steve out of work. Money was tight, patience was tight, and we struggled but God got us through. In May Steve got a job with Faith Today, a Christian evangelical magazine as associate editor. Fantastic, things were looking up only that was the beginning of a very difficult rest of the year really.
Steve started to get sick in June while he was away at school and later in the month for training with the reserves. He wasn’t just sick with a cold, there were many times I thought my husband was dying. I watched him wither away week by week as the weight fell off, as he refused food and began walking with a cane. The cancer word was brought to the table and we panicked. Thankfully after a few months, cancer was ruled out but something else come up on our radar, something we’ve never heard of before. Sarcoidosis. A lifelong illness with seasons of flareups and remissions…something else that our family would have to learn to live with and cope through.
As Steve’s health scare began something else ran along side, the increasing behaviour and difficulty with our son Logan. We were unable to cope, we didn’t have the skills or knowledge to help him through this. He became more violent, more demanding and much stronger. We had to reach out for help, by whatever means necessary. The means was to seek help from Family and Children’s services, and on August 19th our boy went into temporary care.
My heart now beats in two places outside my home, one in Guelph with my daughter Abby and now with Logan here in Cambridge. Things are far from settled for my boy, as we navigate the funding and permanent placement for our boy, I’m reminded again that I need to be strong and advocate hard for my son, just as I did for my daughter. Our government does not make it easy for families with children who have special needs. They assume we will back down, rescind and say you know what, its ok we’ll somehow manage through this crisis…but I refuse. My kids are not pawns in a game, they are not a dollar figure, they are children and they need help, and our family needs help. So I advocate, I push, I make noise.
My prayer is that as our funding request goes again to the committee on January 6th, that they will see our family. They will see that we are tired and overwhelmed and not just looking for a quick fix to get past the “waitlists”. Our family has worked hard over the past 12 years, to bring our kids up in the best way we know how. We are not looking to rid our home of autism, rather we are looking for a better life for our son which unfortunately and painfully, isn’t in our home. Not without putting the other children at risk of being hurt, neglected and forgotten because of the demands of our other children.
Please join us in prayer. We have written letters to our MPP with no response from his office (clearly won’t be getting my vote next election), we’re in contact with a child advocate. Many people have suggested that we go to the media or other outlets, but I cannot put our family through that. I’m not opposed to going there if need be but I do need to make sure that I protect my family as well.
I will not say that 2014 is our year, instead I will say that God is in control. Ultimately whatever happens happens,and will somehow bring us closer as a family to God and to our children and to each other. Please be patient because God isn’t finished with us yet.